just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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