I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
