we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
