We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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