Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
