Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
