I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
