I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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