do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
