I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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