Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
