I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
