I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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