im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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