You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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