i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
