Your mouth is God's brothel.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
