i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
