When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
