I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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