It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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