thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
