not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
