Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
