Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
