Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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