Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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