my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
