She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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