My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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