My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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