I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
