so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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