Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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