She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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