I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
