We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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