you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
