new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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