i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize