I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
