her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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