okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
