I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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