You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
