I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
