I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize