Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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