We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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