best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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