it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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