my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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