Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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