Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
