you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
