I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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