It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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